In "Through the Looking Glass," a wonderful new feature for Mary Review, Kathleen Hale recounts a week spent in Atlantic City for the 2016 Miss America pageant. Hale watches all four long night's worth of competition, and the nonsensical "Show us Your Shoes" parade too, even thouhg it rains. She braves Spanx. She wins $220 on a slot machine! There's also a great passage about farting and crabs, and just trust me on this, OK? As someone who takes pageants very seriously, I can only say that the piece left me sad about the tawdry state of the business and yet, somehow, still super excited to go to see the show this year/next year/forever? Also, I laughed a lot so everyone please go read.

That said, it's not all sequin shits and giggles. A number of Hale's recollections from the pageant are of messy audience members trash-talking the contestants, if not outright heckling them. That's not OK! It would be hopelessly naive to argue that judgment of the contestants' looks doesn't play a factor at a ~beauty~ pageant, sure, but that doesn't mean you get to be a dick about it, showgoers. Be the change you want to see in the world! Raise these women up on a pedestal higher than their hairdos! Just don't say shit like this, basically:

The woman sitting next to me shouts to her friend: "I figured it out! They say Miss Alaska only went up against eight other girls. No wonder she's a dog!" I catch her eye but say nothing.

Or this:

"She needs a breast lift," someone mutters—and then, later, equally critical: "Either that's a padded bra or she's got implants." Flaws are unacceptable, but plastic is unfair.

Or this, this is bad also, and not just because a drink gets spilled:

The woman [sat next to me] was using binoculars to search for contestants' cellulite.... "What'dya say about that butt?" she asks, throwing an arm around me."What butt?""The black lady's butt." She jabs a finger at my program's glossy page."Miss South Carolina?""It's huge," the woman says. She turns abruptly to face her boyfriend, or whoever he is, splashing purple drink on me, "Right, babe?"But he's asleep.

Hale notes that, whether due to being worn down by the schadenfreude, because she got a bladder infection on her penultimate pageant day, or just to let her inner mean girl's flag fly, she does indulge in some catty criticism of her own. And to her point, who doesn't revel in the moment when a contestant's hair, or gown, or talent just isn't right during the live broadcast, or, in particular, in the awful/perfect moment that a beauty queen FALLS DOWN!? But as Hale notes she doesn't feel really good about it, and neither should we.

To be clear though, watching Miss America remains a delight if you can ~be nice~ about it. This year's pageant airs on ABC Sunday night at 9 p.m. EST.

Follow Alex on Twitter.