PRACTICALLY ACTIVE

Amputation brings feelings of grief

Mourning is not forbidden, you know.

-- Iranian novelist

Simin Daneshvar

Until recently, I had never dealt with feelings of loss and grief for anything other than a beloved person or a pet.

Lately, though, I've learned it's possible to grieve for a pinkie toe.

A bone infection in my right foot led to surgery to remove the little toe in December, and the incision has been healing. But it dawned on me one day that I had not really looked at my foot. I would glance in its direction, but I did not examine it.

I made myself start doing that. Now I'm used to seeing the foot without the toe. It looks odd, but it's mine and I love it. But I have been crying a bit, which I interpreted as a childish sort of "feeling sorry for myself."

I realize the loss of my toe isn't so bad, compared with what many with diabetes go through. I still have the rest of my foot, and I require just a small amount of accommodation to get around.

On the last visit to my wound-care doctor, she told me not to be surprised if I spontaneously burst into tears over my missing toe. It's natural, she said, and might even be needed to come to terms with the loss. It's normal to grieve, she said.

Looking back I realize I have felt grief to some extent.

Whether it's due to war, a car crash, accident or major illness, the loss of any part of our bodies can be devastating. I believe that everyone would handle it differently, because people aren't all the same, but that many would experience similar feelings.

I had questions that were well beyond my scope of expertise, so I contacted the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences and was put in touch with Michael A. Cucciare, Ph.D., an assistant professor in the department of psychiatry.

Cucciare says emotional reactions to the loss of a body part are common, including feelings of shock, disbelief, denial, anger, social discomfort, anxiety about body image, and possibly depression.

A recent study found that 31 percent of patients reported symptoms consistent with clinical depression after losing a limb.

There are no studies indicating that women have a more difficult time dealing with limb loss than men, but based on clinical experience, some providers have suggested that women may be more likely to consider cosmetic options for dealing with the situation. That could include covering up a prosthesis, or cosmesis, which can include surgery -- for instance, breast implants after a mastectomy.

Cucciare says that there are ways a person might effectively manage the emotional reactions to losing a body part. They include:

• Maintaining our well-being by taking care of ourselves emotionally and physically. That can include eating a balanced diet.

• Returning to activities we engaged in before the loss, to the extent we can.

• Learning to accept or "let go" of things we can't control and focusing on things we can.

• Obtaining and accepting support from family and friends. That often leads to more success at overcoming the emotional challenges of adjusting to the loss of a body part.

Researchers have compared the experience of losing a limb to other major life losses. As natural as grieving the death of a loved one is, amputees may also grieve the lost body part, and the changes in body image and physical functioning that may accompany amputation.

Seeing a mental health provider can help one cope with emotional reactions to the loss.

If it makes us feel better, we can honor the lost body part in some small way. We could light a candle, make a donation in its honor to a cause we deem worthy, or say a simple prayer of thanks that we are still alive. And we can also get inspired by others who have overcome similar situations.

If we take life just one day at a time, it might not seem so overwhelming.

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ActiveStyle on 02/15/2016

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